


Raindrops

by ReginaNocis



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: After Effects of Abuse, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, POV Beverly Marsh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 07:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26847988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReginaNocis/pseuds/ReginaNocis
Summary: The weather outside of the window reflected Bev’s mood. She’d just gotten off the phone with her divorce lawyer for what she hoped would be the last time. Supposedly, she’d have the finalized papers in her hands the following day. She hadn’t told anyone.It wasn’t that she wasn’t excited- far from it, in fact. For the first time in her life, Beverly Marsh felt in control of her own life. She had survived her father’s cruel words and harsh hands. She had survived her (now ex) husband’s orders and abuse. She had survived, and it had only made her stronger. Beverly Marsh felt like she could take on the world and come out on top. She just didn’t feel like she could brag about it.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 9





	Raindrops

**Author's Note:**

> My Benverly muse is really high right now, and I've been dealing with memories of my own abuse, so I thought this might help me cope. I promise it doesn't go into detail- it's mostly just Bev dealing with her depression and getting help even though she doesn't ask for it.

The weather outside of the window reflected Bev’s mood. She’d just gotten off the phone with her divorce lawyer for what she hoped would be the last time. Supposedly, she’d have the finalized papers in her hands the following day. She hadn’t told anyone.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t excited- far from it, in fact. For the first time in her life, Beverly Marsh felt in control of her own life. She had survived her father’s cruel words and harsh hands. She had survived her (now ex) husband’s orders and abuse. She had survived, and it had only made her stronger. Beverly Marsh felt like she could take on the world and come out on top. She just didn’t feel like she could brag about it.

She stared out of the window, not really paying any attention to the rain at all, as she drank her morning coffee. She’d called her assistant when she woke up to cancel her appointments for the day, and she had no plans to leave her apartment. The chances of her running into anyone she didn’t want to see were slim to begin with, but she wasn’t in the mood to tempt fate. She was already jumping every time she thought something had moved in the corner of her eye. No, it was better to be alone for now. If only other people would understand that.

Her best friends had been surprisingly active in the group chat they’d set up before leaving Derry for the last time. Eddie and Richie were at each other’s throats over nothing, and Stan was subtly egging them on. Mike and Bill were trying (and failing) to keep the peace. Bev knew if she were to chime in, things would probably calm down. She just couldn’t bring herself to type the message.

**RichieRich:** You’re just jealous, Eds

**Eds:** I am NOT jealous. And don’t call me that!

**Billiam:** Guys, come on. Can’t we just have one normal day?

**RichieRich:** Since when are any of us normal?

**Eds:** Just because you aren’t normal doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t.

**Stan:** Eddie, come on. None of us are.

**Eds:** You are NOT helping.

**RichieRich:** See! Staniel gets it.

**Eds:** He does NOT count.

She could have joined in. She could have helped Stan in keeping them at it, or assisted Bill in making them stop. Or she could have chimed in with her news; she knew they’d be so excited for her. Eddie would almost definitely offer to celebrate with her, since they lived in the same town. Ben would inevitably jump in when he woke up. But…

But this didn’t feel like something to be celebrated. Sure, she had saved herself from continuing to live in her past. But she’d put herself in the position to need to be saved in the first place. It was her own weakness that allowed her to fall back into the trap of abuse. It was her own need to please that held her there, even as he beat her. The only reason she’d been able to pull herself out of it was…

**Benjamin:** Guys, really. What are you even arguing about today?

**RichieRich:** Uh-

**Eds: …**

**Benjamin:** That’s what I thought. It’s too early for this.

**Eds:** Sorry, Ben.

**RichieRich:** Yeah, sorry Haystack.

**Benjamin:** It’s okay. Just cool it for now.

**RichieRich:** Sure sure.

Bev smiled into her coffee as she read through the conclusion of the ridiculous argument. She would have continued to just watch them talk, had her phone not gone off with a private text.

**Benjamin:** You’ve been awfully quiet this morning. You okay?

Bev had always been in love with Ben. From the moment she’d suspected he’d written her beautiful poem, she’d admired him. She’d fallen in love with the concept of someone who might love her like that, and Ben hadn’t disappointed her. If they hadn’t forgotten each other, the kiss that had brought her back from the deadlights would have been the first of many. As it was, she’d moved away not three weeks later, and they’d all forgotten each other.

Even when they remembered each other, it had come back to her in pieces. One of the last things she’d remembered before facing Pennywise was her love for the boy who wrote her poem. And when they’d kissed, after the fight was over, Bev had hoped _that_ would be the first of many. Instead, neither of them had brought it up again. It had been six months, and while they spoke every single day, it was nothing more than friendly conversation.

**Bev:** I’m fine. Just busy at the office.

It was a blatant lie, and she’d probably feel bad about it later, but for now it would save her from awkward conversation and dancing around what she hoped they both wanted. Of course, she’d never been good at lying. If he pushed, she knew she’d give herself away.

**Benjamin:** Oh, okay. Want to meet up for lunch? I can walk down to pick you up.

**Bev:** That’s so nice of you, but I don’t think I’ll get to take a lunch until late today. I have lots of meetings.

**Benjamin:** Are you sure?

**Bev:** Yes. Thank you, though.

**Benjamin:** Let me know if you change your mind. I’ve always got time for you.

He didn’t mean to make her feel guilty, she knew. She hated lying to him, but at the same time, she didn’t feel that she deserved his kindness that day. Instead of replying, she turned her phone off. She left her mostly full mug of coffee on the windowsill and went back to her bedroom. She couldn’t bring herself to get dressed, so instead she tugged on a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a maroon tank top. She ran a brush through her hair, but didn’t do anything more with it. And once she felt slightly more human, she walked to the room she’d set up as her home office. Just because she wasn’t going to work didn’t mean she couldn’t get any work done.

Bev had always liked working with her hands. One of her favorite things to do, besides draw out her designs, was work on new and creative embroidery patterns. She’d finished sewing together a suit jacket that she’d sized to fit Richie, and she was slowly embroidering it with a pattern that would make him smile. It wasn’t quite the Hawaiian print he’d turned into his signature look, but it was close. She settled into the comfortable chair she used when she embroidered, and got to work on the second sleeve. With any luck, she’d have it done in time to present it to him before his first tour stop.

She didn’t know how long she’d been working before her door chime went off. She hadn’t been expecting company, and it made her more nervous than she’d admit out loud. The buzzer in her apartment didn’t have a working speaker, so she wouldn’t be able to find out who it was before letting them up. Her worst fear was that it was Tom, coming to finish her off. With that in mind, she dialed a familiar number and hit the call button on her way to answer the door.

“Bevvie? You okay?” Richie answered, sounding confused. She heard what was unmistakably Bill in the background, asking what was going on. Under other circumstances, it would have made her smile.

“I think so? Someone is at my door, and I just wanted to make sure I had some kind of witness before I open it. I wasn’t expecting anyone,” she told him softly.

“You think it’s your ex?” Richie asked, instantly worried. This time, she did smile.

“I doubt it, but better safe than sorry. He’s less likely to do anything if there’s someone who would overhear. And if it _is_ him, I need you to call the police for me as soon as the line goes dead. Can you do that?” she replied.

“Of course. But Bev, I think maybe you should have called Ben or Eddie. I’m across the country,” Richie told her. She could hear the frown in his voice.

“Yes, well… I told Ben I’m at work today, and I don’t want to worry Eddie. He’s got his own problems,” she replied.

“You are _not_ a problem. You have to know that, Bev,” Richie protested. Her door chime went off again, and she sighed. “Answer it. I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks, Rich,” she told him. She kept the phone pressed to her ear as she opened the door, but nearly dropped it in surprise. “Oh!”

“I went by your office, but your secretary told me you’d called in sick today,” Ben told her with a wry smile. “I thought I’d come check on you.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Bev told him. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and knew she must be blushing. It was part of the curse of being so pale.

“Bev? What’s going on? You good?” Richie asked, sounding alarmed. She took a deep breath, stepping aside to let Ben in as she pulled herself together.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just Ben. False alarm. I’ll call you later, okay?” she replied softly, aware that Ben was listening the whole time. It just made her even more embarrassed.

“I’m holding you to that. Tell Haystack I say hi, okay? Bill too,” Richie replied. She didn’t have a chance to agree before the call ended. Her arm dropped uselessly to her side as she closed the door behind Ben.

“Who did you call?” Ben asked, sounding nothing but curious. There was no judgement in his expression.

“Um… it was Richie,” she admitted. “We used to call each other when we were kids, when we knew our parents were in a mood. They were less likely to mess with us if there were witnesses.”

“You were expecting me to be your ex, weren’t you?” Ben asked, frowning in concern. “Has he been giving you a hard time? I know you’ve got the restraining order. If he’s broken it, you should report him. The police will take care of it for you. Or I could talk to him, if you need me to.”

“Oh god, no,” Bev protested immediately. There was no way she’d be willing to put anyone in danger because of her- especially not Ben. “No, he hasn’t approached me at all. I guess I just thought… well, my divorce is final tomorrow, and if he were ever going to do something, it would be today. He doesn’t know where I’m living, so I stayed home. I was considering it a personal day. Working from home isn’t a bad thing sometimes.”

“You were working?” Ben asked, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looked awkward standing in her entryway, and she immediately felt bad for not inviting him further inside. She was a terrible hostess. _“Is that any way to treat a guest, Bevvie? Use your manners. Thank him for coming over.”_

“Yes,” she confirmed. She moved further into the apartment, gesturing for him to follow. “I set up a little home office where I can work on my designs and embroidery. I’ve been working on something for Richie, and I think it’s just about done.”

“Can I see?” Ben asked, smiling now. He’d followed her to the sitting room, but hadn’t sat down. It seemed he was following her lead. His question had her hesitating. On the one hand, she was very proud of her work. On the other hand, Tom had always been very negative about her embroidery, and he was the only one she’d ever shown before. It was still a tossup on whether or not she’d actually be giving it to Richie, if she was being honest with herself.

“Sure,” she said, definitely a late response. She could kick herself for how awkward she was being. This was _Ben_. He wasn’t going to judge her harshly. He’d never been anything but kind to her.

“You don’t have to show me if you’d rather not,” he offered with a sad smile. Whether he understood what she was feeling or not, he was definitely sympathetic.

“No, it’s okay. I want to show you,” she told him. She was surprised to find that she really meant it. She turned without another word and walked back to her office, picking up the jacket without dislodging the needle she’d shoved into place before laying it down. She carried it back out to the sitting room with her, relieved to find that Ben had sat down on the couch. “It’s nothing too special. I just… I like having something to do with my hands, and this was productive.”

“Bev, it’s beautiful,” he breathed, smiling as he looked over her work. “I love it, and I know Richie will love it even more.”

“I hope so,” she said softly. “I’ve never really shown anyone my embroidery before.”

“Never?” Ben asked, shifting his eyes back to hers. His expression was warm and kind. (She would dare to say loving, if she were a braver person.)

“I… just Tom,” she admitted. “He never liked it. After the first few times, I learned to keep it to myself. I think that might be why I still like it.”

“You’re very good at it,” he told her. His hand twitched as if he wanted to reach out to her, but he’d held himself back. She both appreciated the gesture and wished he’d followed through. As fragile as she felt, she didn’t want to be treated as such. In a moment of bravery, she reached out for his hand and took it in her own. His smile grew.

“Thank you,” she replied, answering his smile with a small one of her own. “I have plans to make something for each of you. I only started with Richie’s because he’ll need it first. His tour is coming up fast.”

“It’s still a few weeks away. You’ll be done by then?” Ben asked. His thumb was stroking the back of her hand, and she’d be willing to guess it wasn’t a conscious decision on his part. It made her want to shiver. She wasn’t used to such soft touches.

“It shouldn’t be a problem. I really just have to finish this last sleeve and straighten out the hem. I want to give it to him before his first show,” she replied. She made no move to pull her hand away. She found herself relaxing more than she had all morning.

“He’ll be so excited,” he smiled. “A Beverly Marsh original is something to be celebrated.”

“Oh, hush. This is nothing special,” she protested, feeling herself start to blush again. “This is just what I do. It’s my job.”

“But it _is_ special. You didn’t do this for your job, Bev. You did this in your own time, for your friend. You just said you’ve designed something for each of us, in your own time and effort. That makes it special,” he told her gently. “You didn’t have to do this for him, or for us. You chose to.”

“Well, of course I did. You’re my family,” she replied, ducking her head to hide behind her hair. She was sure her cheeks were nearly the same color by now.

“Bev,” Ben said softly, reaching out with his free hand to lift her chin. “You’re our family, too. We all love you.”

A small pang of disappointment shot through her as she met his eyes, and she hoped it didn’t show on her face. Yes, of course they all loved her as much as she loved them. That’s all this was. It didn’t have anything to do with… any other feelings she might be harboring.

“And I love you.” It wasn’t what she’d meant to say. It had slipped out in a moment of weakness, and it was too late to take it back. Sure, he could take it to mean that she loved _all_ of them, but… it had to be obvious that she meant a lot more than just that. She couldn’t duck her head again while he was holding her face (so gently she could have forgotten his hand was there, if it weren’t for the fact that it was setting her skin on fire from the intensity of the gesture), so she simply met his eyes and hoped for the best. 

His face went through a dizzying array of emotions. She caught surprise, hesitation, happiness, and… it had to be love. It couldn’t be anything else. And then she wasn’t seeing him clearly anymore, because he’d leaned in to kiss her and her eyes slid closed.

The kiss was just as soft as his hand on her face had been. It was different from the kiss they’d shared in Derry for many reasons, the first being that they weren’t facing danger or just coming out of it. This wasn’t fueled by adrenaline; it was pure affection. The intensity of it scared her, but not enough to stop her from pressing into it almost desperately. This is what she’d been missing. This is everything she’s wanted. She might finally be allowed to have it, after all.

They broke apart, but neither of them went very far. Their hands were still laced together, held loosely between them. Ben’s hand had shifted from her chin to her cheek, and he was smiling softly again. She couldn’t stop her own smile from spreading across her face in answer. They’d shifted close together, practically on top of each other, as they’d kissed. Bev carefully moved again, curling into Ben’s side and resting her head gently on his shoulder. He released her hand to wrap his arm around her waist, and she took his other hand back into her own. They sat there in silence for a long while, just cuddling and enjoying each other’s company. Bev didn’t want to break the silence for fear that Ben would realize he’d made a mistake. Thankfully, that wasn’t to be.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for months,” Ben admitted softly, playing with her fingers. “I just didn’t want to take advantage.”

“Take advantage?” she asked, confused. She would have welcomed this from the moment she’d remembered him in Derry.

“You’re just coming out of a really… not good marriage, Bev. The last thing I wanted was to pressure you for something when you weren’t ready,” he told her gently.

“Ben, you are _nothing_ like Tom. I don’t believe anything you do could ever be considered taking advantage,” she replied. “But I understand why you never…”

“It had nothing to do with you at all,” Ben said quickly. “I really just didn’t want to rush into anything that you might not be ready for. I know Richie has been waiting for Eddie, and I wanted to do the same for you.”

“Oh my god,” she laughed. “Richie is _waiting_? Oh, wait until Eddie finds out.”

“What?” Ben asked, confused.

“Eddie and I met up for lunch last month to… compare situations,” Bev admitted. “Richie is probably my best friend in the world, but there are some things I just won’t talk to him about. Eddie and I were both waiting for… well, for exactly this.”

“He could always make his move,” Ben offered, his face flushing adorably. “He has to know that Richie would jump at the chance to be with him. You had to know…”

“No,” Bev admitted. “After everything we’ve- I’ve- been through… No, we couldn’t know. Neither of us can claim to be the best at interpreting relationships. Eddie doesn’t want to make a move, because he doesn’t want to lose what he already has with Richie. He was scared he was reading the signs wrong. But if Richie is just waiting for him to be ready, that changes things.”

“And… you?” Ben asked, sounding almost shy.

“I have spent my whole life being told by the men around me that I’m not good for anything,” she told him gently. “When you hear it enough, you start to believe it’s true. I know we kissed, back in Derry, but then we never even talked about it. I thought maybe it was just adrenaline or something, and I didn’t want to risk losing you on the chance that it was more. I’d rather have you as a friend then not have you at all. That’s why Eddie and I meet up to talk. We both felt the same way.”

“Bev, you are the best person I’ve ever met,” Ben told her, shifting to meet her eyes. “I’ve loved you since I met you. Nothing could ever change that. You couldn’t lose me if you tried. You deserve everything you’ve ever wanted and more.”

And for once, Bev actually believed it to be true.


End file.
